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My Take On…The Man Repeller

May 16, 2011

Seeing as you can’t go anywhere in the fashion interwebs this week without running into The Man Repeller (a la Stylecaster, The Coveteur, and Tibi), I figured I might as well add my two cents to the mix.  For those of you still trying to figure out whether the Repeller is a mase-like spray garnered by women trying to avoid scary one-on-one situations with a man or an object used to keep men at a reasonable distance from one’s person, well, you’re wrong on both counts.

The Repeller is, in fact, a living, breathing hu–well, she’s both living and breathing, but the human part is still under debate among one half of the human population (men, that is).  Yes, Leandra Medine, (for those of you not keeping up with me, that’s The Man Repeller), is the queen bee of keeping men at a distance using studded collars, awkward smiles, half-closed eyelids and her signature birth control glasses.

So, in honor of the Mother Goose of Man UN-Attracting, I pay homage to one of my favorite bloggers EVER, who I have yet to hunt down and steal a lock of hair from in order to complete the shrine on my closet floor by giving you My Take On…The Man Repeller.

Note: Photos of The Man Repeller herself are from her site and you can click through to go straight to her blog.

Ahh, there she is, in all her splendid glory.  Nevermind the outfit…if that winky face doesn’t make men turn and run screaming, then they must be Richard Simmons.

Image: Wenn

Look at him!  He’s certainly not turned off by a craps table in the flesh…in fact, he’s working really hard to abide by several rules of repelling: a face inappropriate to the current situation, a pose that lets everyone know he’s unapproachable, and multiple bright prints in one outfit (is that orange paisley, sir??).  Thumbs up, Mr. Simmons, keep on keeping on.

Anywhoo…….back to the matter at hand:

It’s obvious why The Man Repeller has been thrust into the fashion limelight since starting her website dedicated to her closet’s unique ability to both capture the awe of women everywhere while keeping men a good arm’s length away.  Are we getting the idea now people??  Her love of bright prints and ample use of possibly deadly accessories can inspire even the most appealing of women to whip out their hypothetical chastity belts (or literal, in some cases).

Let’s begin then:  Start with this beautiful Mason by Michelle Mason dress:

Throw this baby on and walk out the door, you’re guaranteed to turn at least a few male heads (pun INTENDED).  But that just won’t do.  We can’t just prance around in public giving off the message, “I’m eligible and actually quite a catch”.

You thought I was joking earlier about a chastity belt, didn’t you?  Well, I wasn’t.  I don’t quite understand how this could be, but if it is absolutely impossible for you to make a trip to your local sex store to pick up a real chastity belt, I think an Elegantly Waisted leather cummerbund will do just fine.

Ladies, wrap this baby tight enough and there will be no question as to whether or not you are an eligible piece of arse.

And, if the message isn’t clear enough yet, nothing says “back up or I’ll shoot” like a nice camo green army vest with lots of big pockets in which to hide actual weapons.  If the vest itself doesn’t deter that man at the bar from wanting to take you home, then the prospect of having to untie your drawstring later that night might just do the trick.

What’s next, you ask??  A well-dressed repeller is nobody without the perfect pair of kicks, designed with only the best unattracting intentions in mind:

Time to adorn our little piggies in a pair of Maison Martin Margiela slouch booties that look like they could have been the ass of a komodo dragon at one point in time, obviously before it was skinned assless.

Last but not least, the accessories…or, as I like to call them,  the antisexories.

Oh, what’s that you say?  This ring is far too sexy and bedroom-suggestive to be man-repelling??  Well, what about when worn next to this:

That’s better.  Try hitting on my now, sir, while I crack my Pamela Love-adorned knuckles.

And don’t forget to cover your delicate and far too feminine wrists with a sweet geek-chic watch:

Top that piece of rubbery repellent goodness with a stack of friendship bracelets.  Nothing says “I’m single, but NOT looking” like a stack of friendship bracelets straight from your memory box circa 1998.

And finally, ladies and gentlemen, the coup de grace of your day as a sartorially chic, but utterly un-man-gettable woman: two Man Repeller staples:

A detachable studded collar and a sweet pair of Warby Parker tortoise frames are just what the doctor Monarch of Man-ffensive ordered.  Top the look off with a thick swipe of red lipstick, a sumo-inspired top knot (feel free to skip the finishing cream, frizz is fab), and an incredibly third ex-husband-chic Alexander Wang mini bag.

 And voila!  There you have it…My Take On The Man Repeller.

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