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The Many Faces…

April 20, 2011

Again, I was left alone in my apartment for an extended period of time and I went crazy madness ensued.  I started thinking about a certain person I ran into this morning (who shall not be named but it doesn’t matter because there’s no way she’ll end up reading this, TRUST ME).  She said “Hi” to me and of course, me being the raging bitch uber-friendly, sunshiney morning person I am, gave the fakest (not a real word, I know) of fake smiles because I don’t care for her much.  This is a round-about way of saying that while alone in my apartment I started thinking about ALL the ugly different faces I make throughout my day.  The result: the following set of pictures taken on my computer’s camera depicting what I think are the most obnoxious common of faces I could possibly make while having a conversation with you. 


My “normal” face, which my most standards is FAR from normal.

My happy face!  (As I type this I am making a smiley face that involves an intense triple chin, just to further emphasize how supa cool I am). 
That looks really painful and/or is probably infected (also see below).
You showing me that open wound makes me a little gaggy.
Mock sympathy.  Notice the emphasis is on MOCK because we all know that I don’t have a sympathetic bone in my body, especially not for upper middle-class white graduate students.
Whatever you just said to me has indicated that you are a serial killer.  I’m going to back away slowly.
Fake smile, obviously.  Usually this means I don’t want to be seen in public with you, but unfortunately there is no one cooler than you here for me to talk to.
This is a mild “What is wrong with you” face.  Say another stupid thing and I’m giving up on humanity.
“I’m not trying to be dramatic, but I would rather shoot myself in the face” than listen to you talk.
To you: “Oh hey! Nice to see you too!”
In my head: “SHIT why did I have to run into YOU of all people RIGHT NOW?!!!”
To you: “No way! That’s CA-RAZY!”
In my head: “That is a terrible story.  I will never get those 20 minutes of my life back.”
I seriously doubt whatever you just told me.  In fact, I don’t believe you SO MUCH that I’m going to tell my other friends about how badly you lie immediately after you leave.
Wow, it must be awful being you.
One Comment leave one →
  1. April 20, 2011 3:52 am

    When I am left alone in my apartment, I end up reading this blog post and laughing hysterically until my cat is scared and runs away.

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